- Me: *turns on radio*
- Taylor Swift: feels feels feels revenge slut-shaming more feels you broke my heart and now I'm making a catchy country tune about it yeah yeah yeah acoustic guitar
- Bruno Mars: suicidal thoughts and plaid and war zones and gratuitous morphine use pain angst hurt for some reason all my songs involve me unnecessarily dying for you
- Rihanna: no one cares what I'm singing about but you can assume it's a shitty metaphor for sex while I gyrate in little to no clothing on fake animals but at least it's stupidly catchy
- Every single rap artist: bitches hoes in da club lots of money she wants the dick all these songs are about clubbing and sex and does anyone honestly live this lifestyle outside of music videos
- Nicki Minaj: hkjhkjhcw fweljfhwjhddljhd hfojencojen nieukjdh lots of fast talking in a weird accent ha ha ha pop culture reference I'm a feminist with lots of wigs and in case you haven't noticed BIG BOOBS I don't even know what I'm rapping about lol
- Me: *turns off radio*
Absolutely! I’m sure you’ve heard it but a lot of men find confidence in a woman to be sexiest. You may be plus sized but I’m sure he see’s in you something he can’t find in any of his “skinny” exes. He’s with you for a reason. My man and I have been having problems because I’m self conscious as well. Since we’ve date I’ve gained 50 lbs and I felt like he didn’t find me attractive anymore. But he looks me dead in the eye and tells me he doesn’t care. He loves me for who I am and thinks I’m beautiful. Believe it or not, there are men out there who are not shallow. Sure they’ll go through those stages, but we’re the ones real men end up with. ;)
I want my friends to get a better understanding of what this disease is. Because none of them have never heard of it, they don’t understand what it is…This blog is not to try and make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that. I just wish people to have a better understanding what someone with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome has to go through every day.
Medical Definition:Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) is a group of hereditary connective tissue disorders characterized by defects of the major structural protein in the body (collagen). Collagen, a tough, fibrous protein, plays an essential role in holding together, strengthening, and providing elasticity to bodily cells and tissues. Due to defects of collagen, primary EDS symptoms and findings include abnormally flexible, loose joints (articular hypermobility) that may easily become dislocated; unusually loose, thin, stretchy (elastic) skin; and excessive fragility of the skin, blood vessels, and other bodily tissues and membranes.
The different types of EDS were originally categorized in a classification system that used Roman numerals (e.g., EDS I to EDS XI), based upon each form’s associated symptoms and findings (clinical evidence) and underlying cause. A revised, simplified classification system (revised nosology) has since been described in the medical literature that categorizes EDS into six major subtypes, based upon clinical evidence, underlying biochemical defects, and mode of inheritance.
Each subtype of EDS is a distinct hereditary disorder that may affect individuals within certain families (kindreds). In other words, parents with one subtype of EDS will not have children with another EDS subtype. Depending upon the specific subtype present, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome is usually transmitted as an autosomal dominant or autosomal recessive trait.
As it states there are different subdivisions…although I’m not sure which one I have at the moment I still live in the same pain as one person to another with this disease.
I want you to close your eyes and imagine for me, that you have the flu. Now imagine those aches and pains you get from it, makes you miserable on top of the sickly feeling, correct? Now imagine living with those aches and pains every single day of your life. Sometimes…those are what we call “good days”. I have had to get so use to the pain that you don’t see it anymore. Everyday I wake up and something hurts, I’m 20 years old and have trouble getting out of bed. Some may say well “maybe if you lost weight that would help”. You’re correct, but what you don’t understand is that my weight didn’t cause this. This is a genetic disease that I was born with. I’m overweight because of it. I had to have knee surgery at the age of 18 because of it. I no longer can go hiking, walking long distances or even short sometimes. I can’t rough house with my boyfriend because even the most gentle touch can sometimes hurt unimaginably…Or leave a bruise.
I want my friends to understand that when I say my joints hurt…I mean they HURT. I don’t always complain even though I’m always in pain, it’s just certain days are a lot worse. Not only is it joint pain but it’s nerve pain, and because of this disease I suffer a lot more from migraines than the normal sufferer does from them.
Have you ever watched House? Notice that he’s a grump but worse when his leg hurts badly? That’s how it is! When I’m not in pain I am in Heaven I feel like my old self again and I love being around people. But my bad days…I hate everything. I hate being me! Never will I say that I hate being alive, even though sometimes it would be easier…But God gave me the gift of life and I’m going to cherish it…Although I will not conceive another life…Which has rendered me depressed many a night…But it’s a final decision I’ve made. There’s a 50% chance that this genetic nightmare will pass on to my child…I never EVER want to watch my baby go through what I have to every day.
Now before you think well…lots of people deal with chronic pain…You really don’t understand. It’s not just chronic pain…it’s my joints getting worse and worse every single day. I will most likely be disabled by the time I am 45. What kind of life is that? I will continue to have to get knee surgeries, eventually I’m sure shoulder surgeries.
I get invited out by friends a lot…I decline a lot. It’s a lonely life…They want me to go sledding or snow boarding…my knees will give out. Go for a walk you say? If you don’t mind having to stop every ten minutes…I use to love going to concerts, and now because of the fact my joints POP OUT all the time I don’t enjoy them like I once did. I use to be that girl shoving my way to the front not caring about anything, and now I’m lucky if I keep my spot if I get up there in the first place…
Some nights I can’t enjoy the feeling of my man right next to me…This won’t get sexual don’t worry, but it will get intimate…Every woman loves to be caressed. Whether it be her back, her arms, shoulders, belly…I love it…But days that my joints are so en-flamed and my skin feels so sensitive that just his soft touch makes me want to cry makes me feel less of a woman because I hurt from him! I can’t enjoy our intimacy without crying.
This disease is very rare. I just hope that my friends can start spreading awareness for it. Although it may not be as serious as cancers or diseases that WILL kill you…It leaves its victims immobile, fearful of the future, and in pain constantly.
And I want to pray for the ones who have died because of this disease, there’s a sub division of EDS that you can die from…it’s the division that effects the heart…
Also, my Mother. She was not part of this subdivision, but she died because she was in so much pain, all the time. She became an addict…her pain killers were her babies. I’d hear her crying at night when the pain was unbearable, at the time…we had no idea what EDS was…we thought it was Mom just being Mom…But she was crying out for help and I wish I could have recognized that she was in real physical pain…For those of you that don’t know, she died from an accidental overdose from the fentanyl patch. It’s 4x more toxic than morphine. My mom was trying to stay away from her pills, she was trying to get sober. So the doctors put her on the fentanyl patch…They threw her on 100mg right away instead of 25 and three days later she had respiratory distress…The medicine swept through her body so quickly…she had no chance. She died two days after Thanksgiving. So pray for those whose lives are effected by this disease. It’s not a pretty life and they need “gentle” hugs, too.
Again, this post was not to make it so anyone felt sorry for me, I just hope that people especially my friends will understand a little more about living my life…
I just want to point out, that genetics is a part of being fat. Practically everyone in my family is bigger or have been bigger. Not going to blame it on that completely but it adds in there.
Building off of that, I want to tell you that my sister was fat. Very fat. Bigger than I am now. My mother was a big woman. My grandma was a big woman. And I want to vent about the hypocrisy of fat women turning skinny.
Noting the women in my family that I just mentioned, including myself, all have/had a rare genetic joint disorder, called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It’s a hyper mobility disorder which causes it’s sufferer to be in chronic pain. I even had to have knee surgery at the age of 18. It was hard for us all to stay active, which is a part of why we gained weight…and then adding that weight is WORSE obviously for your joints so you’re in pain more.
My Mom did something about her weight when I was 8. She had gastric-bypass and lost a ton of weight. I wasn’t a completely overweight child but I wasn’t skinny either and at the age 13 my Mom was in smaller clothes than I was. She would honestly rub it in my face that she could wear cuter and smaller clothes than I could. I hated it. My self esteem was never the same. It’s different being called fat by your peers because you could always run home to Mommy and Daddy and they would make you feel better and make sure you knew you were beautiful. Never was I able to do that. She started gaining weight again after depression really starting taking over her life, and her narcissistic manner went away. Although I felt bad for her I was also relieved that she could no longer make me feel bad about myself. I was wrong though…she found other ways to do it. Always telling me that I need to do something about my weight…always telling me I’d look better if I was 20 lbs lighter. 30…50…The number obviously went up with my weight.
Now onto my sister. No more a hypocrite than my mother…her story pisses me off the most. I’m sure it’s because I haven’t liked her in years. And it’s easier to be pissed off at the living because you don’t feel bad for talking about the dead. I love my Mother dearly, by the way. Our relationship was NOT based on what I just told you. Other than the fat issues, she was a loving Mother and cared for me a lot. Don’t let my previous paragraph steer you in any other direction.
My sister, …I won’t get into our history but I have to say, I really do NOT like her. I love her. I just don’t like her, now that I’ve made that clear…moving on. She was a big girl especially after the birth of her first 3 kids. Bigger than me and I’m 239 lbs. Apparently that’s yes of course by doctor’s standards morbidly obese, but also in my family. She ALSO had surgery to lose weight. And now she’s a lot skinnier and also rubbing it my face and talking HORRIBLY about people in our family about their weight. Please tell me where she gets off doing so? Yes I understand she may have some concerns for their health, because that is mostly why she had surgery, but the way she talks. Always bringing up my weight or new exercises…it gets very old. Recently over Christmas was the most recent issue. She went to Fashion Bug for me and I had told her I mostly wear 1x shirts but sometimes depending on the cut i wear a 2x. She decided to get me 2 2X shirts. One fit, the other was way to big and everyone else agreed with me. But she kept on insisting that the shirt fit, even though the shirt was hanging way below my ARMPITS and if I hadn’t been wearing a bra i would have looked like a stripper with how far the shirt came down in front. Now I know this sounds weird that this would upset you. But the way my family works (most of them) is you do anything to make yourself feel better. The desperation in her voice convinced the shirt fit me made me feel sorry for her. Because she’s looking at me seeing this big girl and knowing that she was bigger made her disgusted with herself. That since the 2x didn’t fit it was reality that YES she WAS bigger.
Now onto someone other than myself…The way she talks about other family members. I won’t say who in case they read this and they tell her I told them. But she says things like “God do you see how she eats? It’s like she eats and puts herself in to a food coma.” With that I want to tell people, that although my sister is skinny, believe you me, there’s been plenty a time that her lap band should have burst. She eats and eats and eats…Or when people are trying to wear things that don’t fit, she’ll make no effort to stop herself from sneering or looking disgusted. Granted, these people need to learn how to shop, but she doesn’t ever think about how SHE felt when she was bigger.
I now want to tell you about my step-dad. Boy has he changed in the past two years…He was diagnosed with diabetes in Oct. of 09. He lost 40 lbs ON HIS OWN. I was very proud of him. VERY. But then Mom died last year, and it seemed as though someone had flipped a switch in him and he did a 180. My step-dad was my father. (Yes I have a biological father in my life). He was the one who i would go to for encouragement even after the world kicked me down. He never once made comments about my weight. Always told me I was beautiful and he loved me for who I am. But in the past year, he started talking and seeing women (oh yeah, 4 months after his wife died, classy…) Now he’s at the gym every day losing more fat and gaining muscle. At first we just though this attitude was temporary but after he made insulting comments to me about my weight and has been pressuring me to look better, I realized this is the new him…I can’t go to him anymore. Why would you do that?
We went to North Carolina to see my step-sister. Who, is plus-sized herself, and her son is a little chubby. But still my precious nephew. My step dad was there as well and took it upon himself to let my nephew know that he was overweight. Since then, he’s been asking my sister if he’s ugly, if he’s fat. I watched this humiliated child run up and down sidewalks as my step-dad watched. Making judging comments. My sister is in the same boat as me. We’re not comfortable being ourselves in our OWN family…It is a sense of loneliness. If our own family cannot accept us, will the rest of the world?
My step-sister, Chrystal, raised me. She was the greatest person you could ask for, and still is. She is one of the most beautiful women inside and out, plus sized or not. She has a complexion even my skinny, bitch, sister envies. She doesn’t need makeup to hide her ugliness, she doesn’t need a fake personality to charm you. She has a better self esteem than a lot of people which I find amazing seeing as she’s a part of this family that causes you to feel horrible about yourself if you’re above a size 10. She is all the family I need, she accepts me for who I am, what size I am, my mood swings. She’s there for the good and the bad. Chrystal, our bond is thicker than blood, I love you forever and a day!
Anyone want to share their family experiences?
Have any of you ever noticed, that no matter what position at work you’re in, whether your boss is male or female, the skinnier you are the better off you are? I know it’s not 100% true everywhere, but I’ve worked a lot of different places, especially in the last few years. I had worked at Burger King for years and one day my boss made fun of my weight. So I quit. Seems petty but this wasn’t the only time I’ve taken verbal abuse from him. Granted I had gained weight, but I’ve never heard him say anything rude like that to someone skinnier than I. And now since I’ve gained my weight, I’m finding it harder and harder to get a job after I’ve been interviewed. I’m quitting Walmart at the moment and did so in haste so I’m really trying to find another job. I do work at Lane Bryant (loooove this big girl store!) But since we’re a specialty store and aren’t as busy as other LBs I only get one or two days a week. I’m starting to get nervous that the restaurants I’ve applied at will call me but after I get the interview and they see this plus sized girl, they won’t want her to be a server for their restaurant.
Going back to when I was hired at Walmart…a boy at work asked me where else I worked and I told him “Lane Bryant.” He asked what that was and I said “It’s a clothing store for plus sized women” “Well I don’t know any plus sized women so I guess I can’t come bug you at work” “Well I’m sure you do know someone plus sized…the average size of an american women is a 14 which is technically “plus”” “No I’m don’t associate myself with fat people, I only do to make myself feel better about myself. No one admits to being plus sized.” From that day on, I had an inner hate for him…I reported him, and what happened? Nothing…*sigh* Crap happens I guess. I’m just tired! Tired, tired, tired! Why must people treat you like lesser of a person because you have more inches on your body?
I’m a harder worker than a lot of people I know but I get shot down more.
It’s harder for me to cope because I was never big this before. I was the one getting attention. But then I had to have knee surgery because of a genetic joint disorder. I gained weight and it’s getting harder and harder to get it off. But they don’t see my efforts in trying to lose it, just focus on the fact that i am fat.
Any thoughts out there on this subject? Any advice on how to hit this subject head on? I’d like a job as a server, but of course I don’t know what they’re thinking. I could be an excellent worker but they won’t look passed the fact my legs rub together when I walk. I just want to look them straight in the eye and ask them bluntly if they won’t hire me because of my weight. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, I just want to know if I’ll ever have a chance in the work place to be taken seriously unless I lose 50-60 lbs…